BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF WIT
Short, Dopey Jokes as Filtered Through
the Febrile Mind of Jim Hull
(Please cite the author if you quote from this work)
So far, credit card companies have offered us Silver Cards, Gold Cards, and Platinum Cards. What could be next, except PLUTONIUM CARDS?!
I've got a friend who's SO FAT... he tried a rowing machine, but it sank.
How do you get service in a magic store? ... Take a number, but don't show it to anyone.
"When I die, I want to die peacefully, in my sleep. Like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car."
"WANTED: charcoal salesman. Must be a self-starter."
First man: "You ain't got no culture."
Second man: "Oh yeah? Well, the only culture you've got is bacterial."
Celeste Jones, on hearing that some men always know where north is: "That's interesting, because I always know where Nordstrom is."
Under-Achievers Anonymous has an 11-step program.
Why do corporate honchos like to slap their assistants on the back? ... Before they stab them in the back, they like to tenderize the meat.
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