Copyright © 1995, 1997, 2015 by Jim Hull
(Please cite the author if you quote from this work)
Dude Ranch, Fat Farm and
Retread Tire Center
November 5, 1995
Dear Ms. Whull:
Once again it is that time of the year when giving is better than receiving. Especially when the giver is you, Ms. Whull, and the receiver is the very deserving Sri Swami Suchabanana Rama Jimbo Propaganda, known affectionately as Airhead in a Towel --er, Swami Jimbo to his friends. Are you one of his friends? Show us! Here is how:
This year, as always, has been a good one spiritually for those who follow in the footsteps of the Revered Swami. His works on behalf of others are ... well, they can hardly be described. In any event, SwamiJi is - as ever - in dire need of certain essentials that will help him uphold his lifestyle --ahem, ministry. For instance:
--$3,000,000.00 ... Or thereabouts. Swami's personal needs would be completely met, and he would be able to concentrate entirely on playing the ponies --sorry, saving souls. Actually, any amount will do for now. If you can see your way to, say, $10,000, Swami will be eternally grateful (yes, he would remember you positively for as much as several of his incarnations hence). And do not overlook the tax deduction! In fact, a mere $1,000 will help Swami enormously... No? Well, how about a C-note? A couple of twenties? Got any spare change?
--Sport utility vehicle ... Swami's transportation needs are modest, and he requires no greater than a mini sport ute, such as a Jeep Cherokee, Ford Explorer, or perhaps even a Land Rover Discovery. This automobile would enable Swami to go skiing at will --correction, visit members of his flock living in hard-to-reach places off the beaten track. Very important! Swami is not a proud person (how could he be and have attained his exalted spiritual status?), so please do not spend too much on this one item. Of course, a minimum list price of $25,000 will ensure Swami receives adequate transportation. We would not wish to be stingy, now, would we?
--Macintosh Performa or Power Mac ... Why would Jimboji desire his very own computer when he has the use of a fine one through benefactors? Swami believes in not burdening his congregation, and having his own machine would free up the benefactors' equipment for their own use. Swami is never selfish!
--CD-ROM Quad-speed ... Oh, very well, triple-speed will do, but Swami was hoping! And hope is a positive thing, correct? With a CD-ROM Sri Jimbo Rama would be able to play Myst on CD --no no, access important databases available on CD. What is more, he could attach such a player to the very machine he borrows from his benefactors, thereby returning the favor! (Unless, of course, he is blessed with the gift of his very own computer, in which case ... ah well, life is difficult, but Swami is certain his current benefactors will survive without his assistance!)
--Selected gifts from catalogs ... For your great convenience, Swami has prepared several gift catalogs; items he would like to own are marked prominently. Just order the items using the convenient order form enclosed in each catalog, and poof! your karma is cleansed!
As always, Swami Jimbo wishes to extend to you the heartiest greetings of the season, be it Christmas, Channukah or Quanzaa. (Hey, whatever you like!) And he thanks you in advance for your generous contributions to his personal happiness --heh-heh, his ongoing works on behalf of humanity. If you cannot or will not contribute ... well, Swami still likes you. Sort of ...
Krishna Baba Humbugananda
Personal Secretary to Sri Swami
enclosures (a bunch!)
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