SWAMI JIMBO HOLIDAY DRIVE 97

 

Copyright 1997, 2015 by Jim Hull

(Please cite the author if you quote from this work)

 

 

Swami Jimbo Ashram

Pasadena, California

November, 1997

 

Mr. Suzanne Whull

[address withheld]

Dear Mr. Whull:

Please do not throw this away! It is not ordinary junk mail. It is special junk mail! It could be worth a great deal ... to us. (Heh-heh. Just a little joke to start things off, what?)

Each year it seems the Christmas holidays begin earlier and earlier, don't you think, Mr. Suzanne Whull? These days we must remember not to be overly concerned when we see cardboard cutouts of Santa and his reindeer being chased by Halloween goblins and werewolves. How the merchants hound us!

But it is never too early to give to a good cause, and in that spirit we present to you our annual Swami Jimbo Gift Drive in plenty of time for you to give calm, reasonsed consideration to making the very best donations. And this year there is an extra-special reason to give!

Yes, Sri Swami Suchabanana Rama Jimbo Propaganda has had the intolerably good fortune to have experienced an inspiring spiritual vision! During late-night naked meditation sessions with his flock of female Swami Attendants, Sri Swamiji was visited with a great insight from the Avatars of All Reality (and Purveyors of New Zip Codes), and has announced that hereafter he may be referred to as "His Holiness, Sri Swami Jimbo" or "His Holiness." Swamiji is entirely too humble to hope that he may, at some distant point in time, find himself the beneficiary of yet another inspiration by which he, too, will become elevated to the rank of Avatar. Suffice what may, for the time being, the new honorific "His Holiness" will surely do wonders to improve Swamiji's temper, as he has lately grown testy about the perceived lowliness of his rank as a simple Swami, and ached to achieve greater results for humanity that he is certain his new title will permit.

Be that as it may, you, Mr. Suzanne Whull, have been chosen to be among the select few who might, in person, meet with the Swami! As always, the size and thoughtfulness of your annual Christmas donation will be instrumental in determining whether and/or how long you may meet with Swamiji. (Having studied the American presidency, an office of highest esteem, Swami believes that this protocol is most appropriate in this day and age.) Please be sure, during your next audience, to refer to him as "Your Holiness" and not "Your A__holiness," as some clever but no-longer-welcome ex-associates had the temerity to utter.

All in all, then, this is an especially important year in which to celebrate the Ashram's good fortune! And there is no better way to join in the festivities than with a hefty (in weight or cost) gift for the Swami --er, for the Ashram.

To this end we have provided a short wish-list of items whose receipt would greatly enhance the Ashram, or improve the living conditions of our dearest guru, Swamiji, or both. Please note that we have thoughtfully attached several gift catalogs with appropriate pages marked for your convenience.

Again, Mr. Suzanne WHull, we are always grateful for your support, and express the confidence that the size of your generosity will be reflected in the goodness of your Karma in the future.

 

Sincerely,

Howima Poobah Wannabee,

Executive Secretary to His Holiness,

Sri Swami Suchabanana Rama Jimbo Propaganda, B.A., L.S.D., D.D.T.

 

enclosures

 

 

THE ASHRAM XMAS WISH LIST 1997

 

--Random House Encyclopedic Dictionary of Classical Music

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Classical Music for Dummies, David Pogue

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Thomas Guide LA/OC 98

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Quick Study Course Outlines Physics, Bar Charts, Inc. $3

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Quick Study Course Outlines Philosophy, Bar Charts, Inc. $3.

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Quick Study Course Outlines Psychology, Bar Charts, Inc. $3.

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--MAKING FACES: Using Forensic and Archeological Evidence,

John Prag and Richard Neave (Texas A&M University Press) $39.95

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--Writer's Market 1998

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--If You Can Talk, You Can Write, Joel Saltzman $11

available at Vroman's, Pasadena

 

--$$$$$$$$

available at bank

 

--Raven Map: California (Large 43x65) laminated $45

see enclosed catalog

 

--1998 Grolier 2-CD Encyclopedia $46

see enclosed return envelope/form

 

--Desk chair - swivel, comfy $100?

 

--Swiss Army pocket knife with flashlight $30.

please refer to enclosed catalogs

 

--Swiss Army watch $100

please refer to enclosed catalogs

 

--Miscellaneous items

please refer to enclosed catalogs

 

 

If you find any part of this work quoted without credit to the author, please let him know! Thank you. jimhull@jimhull.com

 

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