WORLD'S THINNEST BOOKS
Copyright © 2001, 2007, 2015 by Jim Hull
(Please cite the author if you quote from this work)
You may have seen a list -- a mere jest, of course -- of the "world's thinnest books." Silly titles they were, like POLITICAL HONESTY by Bill Clinton, or SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the Sierra Club, or THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore, or MY FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPHS by Helen Keller. Clearly, these are attempts, however feeble, at humor.
I got curious, though, and did research of my own, hoping to unearth more such titles. Lo and behold, I found several extremely thin books that no one had thought of -- er, discovered. Here they are:
HOW TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY IN A LANDSLIDE by George W. Bush
HOW TO TRANSLATE YARDS INTO METERS by Jet Propulsion Laboratory
FOOD SAFETY IS OUR FIRST CONCERN by English Tourism Council
WHY MONOPOLIES ARE BAD by Bill Gates
FIGHT FAIR! by Mike Tyson
THE CASE FOR TERM LIMITS by Strom Thurmond
BUCKLE UP by Dale Earnhardt
TAXATION MADE EASY by King George III
YOU CAN BE HUMBLE IN HOLLYWOOD by James Cameron
WHY I LIKE DIFFERENT CULTURES by Adolph Hitler
MARRIAGE IS ETERNAL by Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman
WHY WE SHOULD SUPPORT PUBLIC DISSENT by Joseph Stalin
HOW TO LOOK GOOD IN PUBLIC LIFE by Bill Clinton
LET'S WRITE CONCISELY by Stephen King
IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO MEET THE PUBLIC by President William McKinley
ERADICATING HOMOSEXUALITY by Oscar Wilde
PEACE MADE EASY by Ehud Barak & Yassir Arafat
HOW TO BOND FOR LIFE by Elizabeth Taylor
EVERYONE LOVES A PRESIDENT by John F. Kennedy
ANGER MANAGEMENT by Coach Bobby Knight
HOW I BROUGHT DEMOCRACY TO THE PHILIPPINES by Ferdinand Marcos
MY VISITS TO THE PLASTIC SURGEON by Barbra Streisand
HOW TO WRITE A SHORT NOVEL by James Michener
LET'S RELAX AND HAVE MORE FUN by Jimmy Carter
MY FAVORITE OPERAS by Elvis Presley
DETROIT: BOOMTOWN OF AMERICA by Detroit Chamber of Commerce
ARGUMENTS FOR CELIBACY by Wilt Chamberlain
JAR-JAR BINKS, CINEMA'S GREATEST COMEDIAN by George Lucas
EXERCISE IS ALL YOU NEED by Jim Fixx
THE POWER OF THE PARDON IS OVERUSED by Bill Clinton
HERE'S TO A DRUG-FREE AMERICA by Robert Downey, Jr.
DATING TIPS by Pope John-Paul II
PROTECTING OUR GOVERNMENT WORKERS by Timothy McVeigh
TEETOTALER'S HANDBOOK by Dean Martin
EMBRACING FEMINISM by Navy Tailhook Society
L.A. DODGERS, TEAM OF THE CENTURY by Rupert Murdoch
TWO TERMS IS ENOUGH by Franklin D. Roosevelt
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK by Sean "Puffy" Combs
INTEGRITY IN SPORTS by Utah Olympics Committee
PRESERVING OUR SCULPTURAL HERITAGE by
Taliban Arts Commission
PRESERVING OUR ARCHAEOLOGICAL HERITAGE by
ISIS
HOW I ACHIEVED GLORY WITH THE LAKERS by
Donald Sterling
DEMOCRACY IS BEST by Vladimir Putin
LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT OUR ANCESTORS by Ben
Affleck
If you find any part of this work quoted without credit to the author, please let him know! Thank you. jimhull@jimhull.com
But caveat auctor: Jim reserves the right to put your little screed on his Web site! (And he has no dignity about this, so be careful what you say...)
AND READERS REPLY WITH THEIR OWN DISCOVERIES
"The book I found is called 'The Power of Postive Pessimism (or Failure Through Prayer).' It was a pretty thin book and had some very sage advice." -- P. Chisholm
THE ARTS! CITY LIFE! PHILOSOPHY! POLITIX! NATURE! HUMOR!